This is my last week of college classes. Ever.

I find myself reflecting on how my life has changed over the last four years. It's been a hell of a journey. I've gained friends along the way, lost friends too. Somethings I regret, some I don't. Somethings and people I miss and others I don't.

What's most shocking to me is the way others perceive me. I went to a banquet hosted by the job I've worked for for two years. Some of my former coworkers who have returned for the banquet commented that I had a glow about me, that I looked happier than they remembered in the past. It was interesting to hear. Yes, I am happy with where my life is, but I don't recall feeling so unhappy with it in the past that it showed that much. And, what is it now that makes me so much happier? Is it the things that I've lost or acquired? It's really difficult to say.

I'm really hoping I won't be depressed when the school year comes to its final close. Last year I became depressed because I was dreading going out of my fourth year alone - no close friends, no boyfriend, no family. It was just me and two and a half months of summer school. The loneliness was unbearable. This year, somethings have changed, but not the one thing I think has the most potential to depress me. I have close friends, the best I've had in four years. I won't see much of my family this summer, but even the short time will be enjoyed. All that is left is the lack of a boyfriend.

At times I feel stupid for feeling like I need to validate myself with a man. I shouldn't feel that way. But, there is this creepy little, dangerous voice that tells me something is wrong with me because I've yet to meet a guy who is interested in getting to know all of me. Why doesn't anyone like me? It's frustrating to think so little of myself. Recently I talked to a friend of mine who feels the same way and now I can't help but wonder what it is in society that makes people in general feel inadequate unless they're with someone. What is it about love that makes people feel inadequate when they don't have it? But, on most days, I suck it up. The voice is quiet. I fear it will be it's loudest when school is over next week...

Farther into the future is Japan. Yep, Japan. I'll be there from August-December. Its for a study abroad program through the University of California system. So..technically I'm still in school, but since I'll be in another country actually learning the language, it will feel more like a exciting crazy experience more than it will feel like school. I'm excited and scared, as just these few months hold so many more unknowns than my future does.

But yes. I am happy. Still hopeful that I had love, but not so desperate as to look for it where it doesn't exist. The future is unclear, but I am confident I can handle whatever it will lay at my feet. I hope for the same for everyone who is, and was, in my life.

-Danielle